Everything I See

Everything I see it reminds me of you, I turn a corner in a street and I see the spot where our hearts were stolen by each other, and we both knew that at that moment we were meant to be together. I dig deeper into the town and see the jewellery store on the corner of the hidden road set behind the colossal branded names that fronted the main road where I saw the ring that would leave you speechless, the shop front that hooked me in with its antique façade, but boasted the finest craftwork of diamonds that were understated by the band but were equally exquisitely simple. Just around the corner from that shop is the back alley way we snuck off to on many a night out with our friends, the alley we’d run to just so we could have five minutes alone, five minutes to get lost in each other’s eyes once again and feel the softness of our lips with our eyes closed.

It probably doesn’t help that I hold all of the pictures of you so close to me still, and that I'm still the bearer of the stone where we laid on the beach staring at the stars in harmony, where we just watched time pass us by. The smooth and rounded off rock became sentimental to me, because the thick white line running down the centre of it disappeared in the grip of my palm when I picked it up, and as I unclenched my fist it was as if my love, joy and happiness at the time merged the two shades of grey together banishing away the line. Silly to others I know, but it’s the little things to me that mean the most, such as the receipt from our last meal together, and the pen you used at the same hotel we’d stay at to get away from everything and everyone for just one night.

I won't lie, there are times that come to me at night whether I'm alone or I'm with a group of people, and I just sit thinking about you and how you affected me. I look at my hand where I still wear the band that bound us together for life and I’ll feel warm again inside, the same band that united a promise where through sickness I'd look after you until you were fighting fit again, and create the moments of happiness we’d have together that could never be erased from my mind. Looking at it now everything will always remind me of you because I never let go of you, I still surround myself in everything of you still and it’s taken me until now to realise this and I see it’s that not that I can't let go, it’s the fact that I won't.

I've never truly managed to get over the stage of grief after you passed away and left a hole in my life, yes I was angry and at times it looked like I was aiming it in your direction, but it was sadness and frustration at life and how you were taken away from me. I still remember the last words that escaped your lips to me on her hospital bed when I was sat by your side, the words that as soon as they were spoken, they were instantaneously tattooed to my brain and heart. You said softly to me “I leave you now, but I vowed in the chapel that I'd love you forever. As for death ‘til us part, not even that will stop me loving you.”, words that made a grown Victorian raised man cry and grab your hand, kissing the back of it as well as your forehead rubbing your cheek with my thumb and smiling at you.

To be honest, I would never give up on all the memories of you and the memories we made too, it’d break my heart to ‘move on’ and forget them. To me I see the places and spots around me that I mentioned about earlier and I smile to myself, reminding me of what happened in those particular places visualising the pair of us being there once more, and the shops where I bought you present’s and gifts including the florist where every Friday I'd return home from work with a single rose. For anyone else questioning why it is I still keep everything of you around me, think about this; why would I discard everything that holds sentimental value of you still, when as soon as I laid eyes on you when we first met it was you that gave me happiness every day in a world that holds so much misery? Wouldn’t you too keep the simple and little things around you that gave you a reason to smile every morning that gets you in the same happy mood that I'm in now? Would you deprive yourself contentment and delight in looking at a picture of someone you love and know all of your fondest memories all stem from them?