I Lied For You

I'm going to confess to you that I lie to you, I have done all these years, and I probably will do in the future if nothing changes. I lie though not to hurt your feelings, I would never intentionally ever want to make you down, depressed or cry, I do it to keep dreams and hopes for us alive still. I only tell these white lies so that you will never be repulsed by the sight of me like I am of myself, I only ever want to make you happy and keep you in my life, I want you to look at me all the time and see that when I talk about you that it’s all truth in every word I utter.

Yes, I lie when I see you meeting up with other guys, I lie when I answer you back when you say that I can have any girls I want, yes I do lie when I tell you there’s never anyone who would ever take me. The truth is girls around my neck of the woods are a dime a dozen, they’re all the same and they follow the sad, pathetic culture that circulates until it’s stale, they all look the same and they get frowned upon if they step out of line of fashion. Do not get me wrong for one second, there are some that shine above the rest and things go from there with us, courting and the occasional kiss, maybe some a bit further and they do stick around for maybe a month or two; but none ever come close to who you are.

I never tell you about them because I fear in losing you in the long run, I fear in knowing that me flapping my gums to you about the next girl conquest I want to conquer, that a little piece of me that lays inside of you dies and falls away. I haven’t a clue how big or small this piece is you have of me already, but I wouldn’t want it to wither away, not as long as I have a fighting hope with you in the future. I'd rather you see me for how I am and how I have always been to you, I’d never want to taint your own perception of me for a few meaningless girls that have come and gone, you mean too much to me for me to throw it all away by being a stereotypical guy and thinking with ‘his friend’.

I will keep lying to you until the day that I can work whatever charm I have or have left in me, win you over and treat you the way you should be treated, to wake up and make it my duty every day to keep a beaming smile on your face all day. I want to be that reason you have a spring in your step, a reason to wake up every morning, and to feel that sense of faith and trust that you’ve lacked for an age in everyone. Again, without contradicting myself here, I won't lie to you, I want to hear who you’ve been with, and I want to keep up to date with you and what goes on in your life.

I'd rather see myself unhappy and feeling like a butcher knife is being rammed into my gut, hearing about the next lucky guy to cross paths and locks eyes with you, than to have you never talk to me again for having you realise that deep down I can and will be just another typical guy. Until that day I will hide what misdemeanour acts I may do with other girls and tell you later on if need be, I want you to see the man that you make me become when I'm with you, despite all of my past; I want you to see the person I truly am when I'm with someone like you. You bring out the best in me and always have done, never stop doing that, or I’ll just be another lost cause and a male chauvinist pig in the pen.